Orgof

Orgof Was an Orc, and being an Orc, he got a little carried away and started shouting at the nearest Orc who he thought he could beat. The Orc saw no other chance then to smash Orgof's brains around the camp. Thinking Orgof was dead the Orc wandered of to get some food. Not knowing that Orgof had brain-surgery when he was just a whelp, and had a metal-plate installed into the top of his head. Orgof got up a few hours later, and just in time too, because he found himself on the dining-table of two Trolls. Needless to say the trolls were a bit disappointed when there food got up, run towards them, and gave them the best head-but the'd had in years. Orgof decided to split when the Trolls were still laughing there heads of. Using an orcisch method of sneaking, he stomped towards safety.

Orgof felt a growing headache, and rubbing his head he was hoping this wouldn't be one-of-those-days. Orgof Saw a little Gobo and decided to take it out on him. He walked toward the little guy and shouted the first offending phrase that he found floating in his head. "Yo' mamma so fat elves run 'round 'er fo' eksurseize". Hearing this the goblin turned towards Orgof, waving his strange staff. When Orgof saw the gobo's grin, and the mean look in his glowing eyes, he knew he had made a mistake. The gobo's eyes started to glow more intensely and a ray of pure energy emerged from them. Orgof felt no pain at first, three seconds later he was again unconscious. This time he wasn't mistaken for food thanks to the eerie glow surrounding him, which mystically succeeded in making his testicles look like a Christmas decoration.

When Orgfog woke up from near-death. Again! He rubbed his head and wondered why the world was so dark around him. He decided it was a good time to go hunt for food, and wandered of into the woods. He hid himself behind a tree, waiting for something or someone to pass him by. Waiting for several hours he finally got lucky, a lonely elf was walking towards him. The elf looked strait at Orgof, and started to run. Orgof was so surprised the elf could see him in this dark wood, he didn't even bother to chase the elf. He sat down wondering what he had done to make it so obvious to the elf where he was. He had bin standing there behind some bushes and was almost completely out of sight, so the elf shouldn't have seen him. At this point Orgof noticed some movement near his left leg and turned his head to see it. While turning his head something else got his concentration first. Orgof was found by some other Orcs three days later, still sitting there, with his head turned towards his crotch, looking at his Christmas decoration.

The Orcs took Orgof back to there camp, and took him to see their shaman. The shaman told Orgof he could wait in his tent, while he was out gathering the necessary ingredient for a powerful magic potion that would rid Orgof of his problem. The shaman then wandered of into the woods. Orgof walked towards the tent of the shaman. While entering the tent he heard a strange groan, not paying any attention to his surroundings he sealed the sound into his brain, to think about it later. If later would be more than ten seconds he would have forgotten it completely. Luckily for Orgof the animal had less patience than Orgof had memory-capacity, because it struck immediately when Orgof entered the tent. Orgof remembered the groan and without thinking struck with his axe. The creature squeaked and tried to hide behind the shaman's throne. Orgof was confused because he didn't kill the creature - whatever it was. The creature carefully crawled out from it hiding place, and Orgof saw it consisted of nothing but teeth and thick scales. These creatures, called cave squigs, are tougher than Orgof's axe-heads. Thanks to his fast reflexes Orgof hadn't got caught between the squigs teeth which would have surely been his end.

Orgof decided the shaman kept strange pets, and thought of it no more. He instead started looking around n the shaman's tent. Orgof became unhappier with every new object he saw. Meaning that he became terrified, because with a memory-capacity of ten second, and a hundred or so objects in the room Orgof had already forgotten the first when he got to the 10th. One of the objects that Orgof still remembered when he saw it again was a great dragon-skull with warpaint all over it. It even got some words on it. Because Orgof couldn't read if his life depended on it, he was impressed by the shaman. Looking down at his christmas decoration he thought he ought to be impresed with shaman's.

Orgof got so many new impressions that he was almost disapointed when the shaman returned. The shaman told Orgof to sit down, seeing no reason not to do this, Orgof let himself drop to the ground. With both his axes crossed on his lap, Orgof looked like he was meditating, which was almost true, he was sitting in the right position and his mind was empty. "The only difference between that and meditation" the shaman thought "was that meditation required a conscious blacking of the mind, which happened to Orgof instantly and unplanned." The shaman grabbed his medicine bag and began too do his miracles. The shaman knew he was very lucky to get Orgof here, normally the odds of an Orc going to his shaman when he was wounded were at best 50.000 to 1 against. This wasn't because of the Orcs stubbornness, but because the patient often didn't know whether he got healed, or just switched disease. For an Orc that went to a shaman often got back with some, as the shaman's called them "nice add-ons", to his body.

There once was an Orc who went to his shaman because he had a pain in his ear, so the shaman gave him a tranquilizer (which is for an Orc the equivalent of a BIG hammer). When the orc was down the shaman fixed his ear, but he saw the orc's teeth weren't a strait as they should be, so he went and got a vine to bent them until they were better, instead he yanked half of them out, and broke the other half. Seeing his mistake the shaman went and got a complete Iron set of teeth for the Orc. He tried to glue it in where his normal teeth had been, but they kept falling out, so the shaman connected the teeth to a steel jawbone. The jawbone had the same error as the teeth, It wouldn't stay stuck to the Orcs head. In the end the Orc got rid of his ear-pain, his teeth, his jaw, most of his head, his neck and a substantial piece of his chest.

But Orgof was a lucky Orc, because the shaman just got Orgof rid of his enlightening testicles (he just took out the battery) when the shaman was called by his next patient. The shaman feeling overwhelmed by a warm lucky feeling for having two patients in one day, ran out to see the next one. The shaman had smashed Orgofs head so hard that any normal Orc would have been out a few days, but Orgofs steel plate saved him from further operations the shaman was going to give him (needed or not). Because he woke up about half an hour later, feeling confused and having a nasty headache, but since he came in with one, he thought it was a low price to pay to get rid of his Cristmas decoration. Orgof got up and walked out the tent, leaving a very disappointed shaman behind.

Orgof being lazy as he was, he encountered a fence, and instead of walking round it, he climbed over it. When he reached the other side, he immediately felt a sharp sting in his stomach and he was thrown back over the fence. Orgof saw the warboar on the other side of the fence, just before he made contact with an enormous tree. Bumping his head into the tree, which took Orgof out again.

After lying there for about 4 hours, Orgof got up, and walked away. Being lazy as he was, he encountered a fence, and instead of walking round it, he climbed over it. When he reached the other side, he immediately felt a sharp sting in his stomach and he was thrown back over the fence. Orgof saw the warboar on the other side of the fence, just before he made contact with an enormous tree. Bumping his head into the tree, which took Orgof out again.

After lying there for 5 hours Orgof got up again and walked away. Being lazy as he was, he encountered a fence, and instead of walking round it, he climbed over it. When Orgfog was halfway, he heard a load voice shouting "Orgof...Orgof over 'ere" Orgof thought a few seconds and deceided that someone was talking to him. Orgof got down from the fence and he immediately felt a sharp sting in his stomach and he was thrown back over the fence. Orgof saw the warboar on the other side of the fence, just before he made contact with an enormous tree. Bumping his head into the tree, which took Orgof out again.

7 Hours later, Orgof woke up, staring right into the face of Nazull. Nazull was the meanest Orc Orgof had ever seen, which for an Orc was definitly a good thing. "Orgof" he said. "Oughh" Orgof answered, not that it was an intelligent reply toward Nazull, but his head hurt more than ever. "Orgof come on, were going." Nazull shouted. "Me 'ead 'urts" Orgof replied. "It gonna 'urt more if ya don lissen now" Nazull said, swinging a big club. "Ok, ok wadda ya want?". "Didn't ya 'ear me, were goin' " Nazull was swinging the club to a nearby warboar. Orgof looked at the boar and thought it looked familliar. "W'ere we goin" Orgof asked. "Well" Nazull said "That's obvious, Mordheim!".
"Mordheim, why Mordheim".
"Because tis filled wiv' gold an there's nobody there but a few 'umans".
"Ok" Orgof said simply, and walked away. Being lazy as he was, he encountered a fence, and instead of walking round it, he started to climb over it. "Not through there, Dum Orc" Nazull said, "there's boars there". "Oh yeah" Orgof replied. "Come lezz walk that way". Orgof and Nazull walked away, Nazull talking about great wealth and gold, and Orgof one hand on his head, the other filled with his two axes, stumbling along side Nazull.

That night Nazull sat down in his tent. "That's one" he thought "Only a few to go, then I'll be on my way".